The lamentations of Struthius (struthio camelus)

Middle England’s Finest!

The storm is upon me, the calm is ended and once more Struthius stands indicted, charged with offences against literature, social sensibility and grammatical laxness!

It appears that Struthius’s last communication was, for some pedantic anally retentive Europhile, one step too far, for, within hours of my blog being posted, the Mem was texted and apprised of its content together with the web site upon which the Struthius blogs can be found. I have always kept this knowledge from Mrs. C. (the Mem) but, in a moment of carelessness, I must have revealed it to an acquaintance, a latter-day Mrs. Grundy, a self-appointed guardian of the public good and educational standards.

Well, madam, the cheeks of my arse, I wag my willie at you and say, “Phoo” in the Gallic manner. I care not that I fall into typographical error. It does not concern me that I do not abide by the rules governing grammatical exactitude neither do I give a wizzle’s dick that my Latin lacks polish.

That you find offensive my references to European sanitary ware and to what are now, apparently, simply referred to as European Commissioners is a matter of complete indifference to me.

You upbraid me by saying that it is dishonourable to speak disparagingly of the dead (ref. to former P.M. Mr. Edward Heath). Why? Madam, I have frequently spoken disparagingly and openly of Ghengis Khan, Adolph Hitler, Jo’ Stalin, Jack the Ripper, Alastair Crowley, to mention but a very few. Are you going to find fault in this?

Your complaint of my use of the occasional vulgate vernacular and, what you claim are my oblique sexual references to my good friend and fellow traveller 7 of 9 leave me unmoved.

In short, I shall not abide by the piss-ant restraints that you seek to impose upon me in your newly appointed roles of Malleus Illiteratum and Keeper of the Common Good.

I remain,

Your good friend,

Rev. R Scrotum-Tite.