The flight of “The Ostrich”

Dear reader/s, I have been asked to report on my recent space flight to Ganymede aboard “The Ostrich.”

I am happy to say that the flight went according to plan although both my navigator/science officer Miss 7 of 9 (pictured below) and I agree that we could have packed a couple of extra jumpers and a little more underwear.

I am happy to report that despite the rather chilly conditions aboard the craft we were able to keep ourselves warm around the electric fire. Miss 7 of 9 and I whiled away the hours until planetary insertion by playing strip poker which we play by Struthius rules i.e. I get to score at the end of the game. Miss 7 of 9 has accompanied me on most of my space flights and, once again, proved herself most satisfactory when I went for orbital insertion. I have, however, had occasion to reprimand her for the disconcerting habit of crying out, “Yes, yes, Captain Janeway” (whoever he is) whenever I applied full thrust.

Problems arose with the outside thermometer which froze and, as I had forgotten to pack my E.V.A. suit, I couldn’t go outside to warm it up. Predictably, several nails around the containment field came adrift but this did not cause too much problem with the handling of the craft.

Points to take on board before my next flight from realis primus include:-

a) take on board an extra electric fire and blankets.

b) less nails and more screws to withstand full thrust.

c) remember E.V.A. suit and pyjamas.

d) allow 7 of 9 to win the occasional hand and keep some clothes on.

I have been able to select a site for the Jovian observatory (now nearing completion in my back garden) which now only requires decent grade roofing felt and some more screwing which Miss 7 of 9 has offered to help me with.

On our 3^rd. orbit I was able to take a photo of the future landing site (see below)

For photographic anoraks out there I can reveal that it was taken on ¼ plate sheet Ektochrome film (200 ASA) at f.5.6 1/30^th sec. with my tripod firmly clasped between Miss 7 of 9’s legs to avoid camera shake.

Well that’s it for now except to convey the sad news that my old friend Professor Prem. (Omigosh) Chukabhutti passed away during his trip to India. Details of his death are still sketchy but it appears that his revolutionary low temperature car climate control system ran amok during a demonstration around Calcutta.

Reports reaching me indicate that he’d stopped his car in the middle of the commercial area to allow a cow to cross the road and within seconds he froze to death at about 50 degrees above zero absolute. He and his old colleague Mahatma Khote BSc.(university of Jolliphur) failed, physicist, guru and part time cloak room attendant, had to be chipped out of the vehicle by a specialist retrieval crew wearing protective clothing. It will be some time before the remains can be sorted and reassembled prior to funerary rites on the river Gunges.

Well, that’s all the news for now so it only remains for me to say,

“Transmitte mea sursum Caledoni.*

Sincerely,

Theophanus Throte.

* “Beam me up Scottie.”